Fifty Shades of Jayne Austin

*Spoilers*

In my effort to see the end of the story after reading Fifty Shades of Grey, I went to a sold out showing Fifty Shades Freed. The third installment of what turns out to be a modernized fairy tail, begins with the wedding of “Prince” Christian, played by Jamie Dornan and the pauper Anastasia Steele, played by Dakota Johnson. After being swept up in a whirlwind romance with a 20-something multimillionaire, Ana is at the altar in the first scene of the movie giving her vows and accepting his. Everything is happy, and their sex life stays the same amount of spicy as the other two movies. Ana, on her wedding day, is still surprised to learn that Christian, now her husband, owns a private jet.

“You own that?” She says, still somehow baffled by his wealth.

“We own that” He says with a smile, just like it says in the script.

This movie is about how Ana comes into her own power. She’s the one outrunning would-be killers, she’s the one surviving attacks by would-be killers, and She’s the one telling the hot architect to back off her husband. Watching Dakota Johnson be a strong, young, rich woman is fun. Her body appears stronger and more muscular in this versus the other two, visually portraying a stronger woman as she kneels on the floor. Watching her have sex with Christian is somehow, less than erotic, despite her excellent performance in a trying role. The packed theatre trembled with tense whispers, and trickling giggles from the crowd around us. The 40 somethings behind us whispered and giggled, while the 17 year olds to my left were literally squirming in their chairs.

Christian’s character learns to trust Anna in this movie by letting her drive, and make decisions, and cook. At the beginning he won’t trust her with information, but by the end, when she withdraws a bunch of money; he knows she’s not leaving, she’s obviously caught up in a ransom plot involving his sister. Duh!

The softcore sex scenes aren’t completely gratuitous. The scenes reveal the power dynamic between the couple and compared with the other parts of the story, Anna seems to be more in control of the sex in the relationship. Which stays true to Christians need for a strong woman to submit to. When Anna goes to the fun room, she decides it's slappy, pinchy, spanky time; not Christian.

After seeing this movie with my girlfriend, I saw Beauty and the Beast with my daughter (On Netflix). I realized that the Fifty Shades characters have a lot in common with the Beauty and the Beast characters. Specifically Belle and Anna.

Both Belle and Anna are totally into books. Belle wanders around the town reading books, and borrowing books and singing about books. She’s a hopeless romantic raised by her single-father, also a hopeless romantic. Anna, comparatively, is totally into English Lit. and takes a job in publishing. It turns out Ana is also raised by a hopeless romantic, her mother, a serial bride, giving Ana a similar upbringing to a single parent home.

Neither Anna nor Belle are social climbers by any means. Ana is less than graceful in Fifty Shades of Grey when she interviews Christian in his office, and her roomate Kate is the one who is outgoing and worldly. Meanwhile Belle gets shade thrown on her during the opening number, leaving her to ask her father if he thinks she strange.

The hopelessly romantic, respectable single lady isn’t uncommon in English literature. Neither is the object of their affection. A well-to-do man with an off-putting demeanor. Christian, with the curse of sexual exploitation, and the Beast with his curse of the old lady with the rose, both could easily be Mr. Darcy from Pride & Prejudice with his curse of having too much money and power. All end up falling for the bookish brunette, in the movie adaptations at least, proving that love is the only thing you should ever consider when making important decisions.

Fifty Shades is a gritty reboot for a familiar tail. Everyone knows they live happily ever after once they learn to love and trust each other, and of course battle common enemies and sacrifice for each other. The non-porn sex adds some spice and fun, and I’m sure Jamie Dornan is pleasing to the eyes, if you like that kind of thing. If you don’t like boobies and booties you might want to watch Beauty and the Beast instead. I prefer the older animated one. Or you could always read some Jayne Austin.