Around the world in 20 Clubs

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Around the world in 20 clubs

Congratulations! You win! You get to tag along with me on an all expense paid trip to the top 21 Clubs in the world. I will be your host and guide and we shall be quick friends and enjoy the world and experience the greatest clubs in the world. Get your passport and a few changes of good clothes. I’ll handle the rest.

First stop Ibiza Spain “Party Capital of the world”

Pacha Ibiza — Ibiza, Spain

This place is known for House Music and amazing atmosphere. Inside are five different rooms with a different style and feel for each. The Main Room hosts the best international DJs and features performances beyond your wildest dreams. The Funky Room is more “disco soulful” with smoother tunes and a laid back atmosphere. There’s an open-air lounge upstairs for a view of the Spanish sky, and some cocktails on the couch. Then back down to the, Global Room, which was where the original party started back in 1973 when Pacha first opened. Before we go we’ll  dine at the club’s restaurant, Sweet Pacha, right beside the Global Room where we can order delicious fusion dinners go crazy at the full sushi bar all while jamming on some 80s and 90s dance tunes.

Space — Ibiza, Spain

 Next it’s on to the “Mecca of electronic music” nominated countless times at the International Dance Music Awards for having the best sound system in the world. Much like Pacha, Space also has five different themed multi-genre rooms for us to enjoy. We’ll bask in their world-renowned special treatment in the cozy VIP booth that we requested a month earlier.  They are all about the music at Space, and that mission resonates throughout Europe. They have their very own electronic music magazine sold in London, Barcelona, Berlin, Madrid, Moscow, Paris, Milan, Zurich and Amsterdam as well as a live podcast showcasing their latest acts worldwide.

Privilege, Ibiza

On to the airport right? Not so fast. This is the party capital of the world. Night three is Privilege! Three floors, a swimming pool, 10,000 clubbers -- the largest club in Europe, if not the world. Infamous for its 1980s history, when it was forced to shut down as the then-called KU. What do you expect when you mix supermodels, celebrities and rock stars with drug trafficking and the Mafia? It’s one helluva party. Yeah, throw your stuff in the bag and lets go, We got to start moving east.

Fabric — London, England

Fresh off the plane at Heathrow, drop the bags at the Hotel, take a shower and get ready. We’re in London and the party continues to Fabric! Known for showcasing underground DJs, world-renowned electronic music legends, and professional live acts. “Wait! It’s Tuesday!” It don’t matter, because from Friday to Monday it’s a constant party. Maybe you want to hang out ‘till Friday for FABRICLIVE a sound clash of everything from trashy electro rock to throttling dubstep. Maybe stay for Saturday night, the wildest 30-hour nonstop disco session on Earth. We might as well chill till Sunday for the WetYourself series on Sunday night. And of course we took the option to reserve a table in the mezzanine, with free cloak service, table service, excellent views of the establishment, and the best part is we don’t have to wait in line.

Ministry of Sound — London, England

The next stop is “Historic”. Here’s your history lesson:

Ministry of Sound is one of the most historic nightclubs in London. Started by DJ JustinBerkmann in 1991, Ministry of Sound set out to bring the burgeoning American house music arena to the UK. After 20 years, the club remains at the forefront of the global dance music scene.

With a 24-hour dance license and a sprung floor intended to enable us to dance until the sun wakes up and still feel fresh, it’s a non-stop party! Sound epitomizes this place, which ultimately started the global MoS movement with locations in the U.S., Australia, Egypt, Asia, South America, and Europe. With their own record label, radio station, branded mobile channels, and branded products, this one is certain to register a big one on the awesome-meter.

Zouk — Singapore

The third stamp in the passport will be in Singapore. The next place brought EDM to Asia and is sure to blow our socks off with a DJ like Avicii, David Guetta, or Formative. Get ready for a crowd. Being featured as the main club attraction in town for nearly a decade, the room is always packed with youngsters getting their dance and drink on. The sound system is amazing and the top listed DJs in the world make sure it stays packed all year long.

Club BBoss, Hong Kong, China

After we get through Chinese customs and finally get another stamp in the passport we head to Sha Tsui East's Mandarin Plaza. Since we have our Amex Black in our wallet they call us “high rollers” tell us we are served by a staff of more than 1,000 and can have whatever we want in the VIP room, “Can we take a vintage Rolls and drive around the indoor roadway?” You ask. “Yes! As you wish” they reply. This place is built out of the highest credit scores, and heaviest bank statements in the world. Don’t plan on running into your average tourist here. This place caters to the rich and famous.

Womb — Tokyo, Japan

Why are most of these clubs on Islands? I don’t know but I do know Womb nightclub in Tokyo is the go-to place for the best beats and sound system any religious clubber could ask for. We’ll check out the four world-class dance floors and the largest mirror balls (1.5 meters in diameter) in Japan. Tucked away in a back alleyway, the club’s outside appearance is no indication of the activity inside but once we step in, it will become a whole other world. As you take it all in you you’ll remember our conversation on the plane about how DJ Omid from SOS said, “Womb has the energy to make your DJ dreams come true, from the unreal set-up that feels like you’re playing in a spaceship to the unreal crowd that brings out the best in you…any day any time.” As you wake up with your hang-over and your Japanese sleep-over buddy you’ll ask “is there really more?”

“Yes I’ll say. A whole other Hemisphere more” back on the plane.

Green Valley — Camboriu, Brazil

Rio de Janerio? Nope, Camboriu, Brazil is our next stop. We only dance at the best, and the best in the huge country of Brazil (mostly rain forest) is Green Valley established in 2006, the best names in music come to perform at this super club. We’ll dance the night and morning away with 8,000 other revelers as the light show makes us forget where we left our drink. We’ll get a taste of Brazil as the open-air club lets us breath in the essence of the country. We’ll start to realize that the club is only part of the equation and the Brazilians’ love for music and dancing is what will make this stop stand out in our memories for years to come. But it’s not over. Luggage, pre-flight drinks, passport, plane, NORTH!

La Boom, Cancun, Mexico

Viva la Mexico! All night drink specials, drunk and horny tourists and an unreal light show. As you walk back to your room you’ll know that you will regret what you did tomorrow but that’s just part of the Mexican experience.

Get some cheap tequila for the ride, and it’s on to the USA!

Nikki Beach Miami

On the drive from MIA to South Beach, I tell you we’re headed to Nikki Beach for lunch, We wonder thru the building and out onto the sand on the southern end of Ocean Dr. in South Beach. We sit on a four-poster bed in the hot Miami sun and sip mimosas and eat crab-this and shrimp-that as I tell you that this upscale restaurant transforms into a hot  open-air dance club and lounge at night. The rich and beautiful, flock to this place on weekend nights, when “anything goes." But after lunch it’s time to check into our hotel, which coincidentally houses the next club on the tour.

 LIV — Miami, Florida

We’ll check into the Fontainebleau Hotel, we’ll yawn at the indoor pool, the outdoor pool, the waterfall in the middle of the outdoor pool, all the sunbathing models, then we’ll take a quick nap and get up about eleven to go down to LIV and get the party started. Rumored to be the highest grossing nightclub in the world, this is where Miami’s most beautiful people come out to play. And that’s why WE are here. With 18,000 square feet of spectacular architectural design and posh decor, LIV sets the bar for the ultimate nightlife experience. The who’s-who (us) arrive en masse to party with state-of-the-art sound systems and lighting with crazy LED projections. The super exclusive NBA championship after party was held here, where the Miami Heat players reportedly spent an upwards of $200,000 celebrating their huge win. We’ll try to spend at least half that and have an amazing time with some of the most beautiful and dance crazy people in the world. The hotel, plus the club! Why would we ever leave this place? Come, on this is Miami, there’s more to see. 

Mansion - Miami

No, it’s not a theatre. It’s a RENOVATED Art Deco theatre. We’ll walk up, past all the “aspiring” models and the “well-to-do” tourists waiting in line and man at the door will part the velvet rope and open the door for us. The host will say “Welcome to Mansion, your VIP table is right this way!” She’ll tell us about the different floors and the different music and how, since it’s a theatre, the music and sound system, sound even more amazing. We’ll notice models from ENTmag.net hanging out at the bar and probably one of the Hip-hop artists form last months issue. We’ll take some more models back to the room and in the morning tell them to get what they want from room-service and put it on the tab, unless they’re not busy and want to hop on the plane for quick ride to “Sin-City”.

C2K, Las Vegas

The models all think The Venetian is great. It is. The amazingly expensive Hotel houses the next club on our tour, so the models all go to get new dresses at one of the hotels boutiques and we go check out the mock Italian City. . . complete with gondolas. Once they’re back and we’re sure we all meet the dress code “Dress to Impress” we head on down to C2K. This place is an arena, but with suspended go-go cages. We’ll dance all night on the stage, and see ourselves on the huge overhead monitors. We’ll bump into more famous people while buying drinks at the five bars and wave at them as they look in envy, as we chill out in our VIP skybox. We’ll smoke cigars at the cigar bar and then go grab some amazing Sushi. We’ll try to look amazed as we’re introduced to the headliner for the evening Avicii, but “weren’t they in Singapore? Or was it Tokyo?” It doesn’t matter because tonight is amazing, and we haven’t even gotten to LA!

Viper Room – LA California

This place is different from the rest of the tour. This gritty club on Sunset Blvd. was formerly owned by Johnny Depp and was made famous as the site where River Phoenix OD'd in 1993. There’s some indie band on the stage and “aspiring” actresses and models everywhere, just melting on the dance floor. We join them until the early morning and take a couple actresses who keep telling us they were in some movie together. We pretend to have heard of it and tell them we can’t wait to see it. They try to get us to drive to their apartment to get a copy but the hotel is closer. We wake up in time for lunch and tell them we have to get to our plane. “Where are you going?”

“Canada”

They call a cab.

The Guvernment — Toronto, Canada

As we walk up to the Skybar overlooking Lake Ontario, we wonder about how after being to Ibeza, and Singapore and Brazil how this club is going to live up to it’s self proclaimed title of “One of the seven wonders of the entertainment world.” Then the bartender tells us that there are no less than seven other “rooms” in this particular 2,050 square meter complex. We look at each other confused and then I whip out my iPhone and convert that number to 22 THOUSAND square feet.

Later we find that CHROMA looks like the inside of a space ship and there’s a giant LED covered mist shooting robot.  Surface, D’Luxe looks like a chess board after a triple dose of LSD, Acid Lounge looks like a raver’s wet dream. Gallery looks like no other bar you’ve ever seen , and the Main Room is just a Light enfused skating rink of a dance floor. We have a taste of all these and they all taste nice. We meet some nice Canadians and find out in the morning that they are actually from NYC and are headed back there in a few hours. What a coinky-dink! We’ll meet you there.

Cielo — New York, New York

So we’re in New York. After the trip we’ve had, we’re pretty sure this won’t top it, but . . . we’re in New York City! We’re in the Meat Packing District and we’re at Cielo. The website say’s “It is a haven for mature individuals who are seeking intelligent nightlife without the hassles of a large club or elitist attitudes.” We get there and it’s like some beige, right-angled, super swanky 70’s shag pad. Disco ball and sunken dance floor included.  We’re super glad we were on the list to get in because the place is puuurrfect. It’s not crowded, the service is on-point, and the sound system is the best in the world. We’d know by now. The DJ is someone we haven’t heard of but we know we’ll hear from him again. The DJ’s that spin here get famous after spinning here. There’s no VIP room, the whole place is a VIP room. Lucky us got in the door, the rest is perfection. Oh yes, I heart NYC.

Dream Downtown - NYC

Okay, another night in NYC. We spent the afternoon sleeping off last night and now I get a call from a guy that says we gotta go to Dream. We meet him in the basement: a shabby-chic dance spot, and quickly loose him for a couple business women that want to go upstairs to the Electric Room, the kind of place where you might spill your beer on a member of LCD Soundsystem who’s there to D.J. Several spilled beers later we end up on the ground floor: Marble Lane, a sleek restaurant with excellent steaks prepared by former Top Chef contestant Manuel Trevino. We quickly move from there into a mirrored elevator, which opens to PH-D, a rooftop fantasy­land with unobstructed views of the Empire State Building. We dance with famous people and get separated for hours. When morning threatens, crashing is made easy by the fact that Dream, thoughtfully, also happens to be a chic hotel. We sleep until two.

Rebel – NYC

This next place is sexy as hell. Taka a walk on the wild side, they say. Okay! We’ll take a walk through the Disco Room to the Liquid lounge, we check out the Gallery and we go crazy on the dance floor in the Performance Hall. It’s awesome but not so much because of the clubs sensuous lighting and awesome drink service but because we’re in NYC, surrounded by New Yorkers. That’s what makes this club great. It’s Mezzanine is nice, and looking down on all the hot dancing bodies on the floor is exciting but it’s the vibe in the room that makes this place awesome. But don’t stop now we got one more stop.

Pacha –NYC

As we walk in you see the cherries and ask “Have we been here before?”

“Nah, but you’ve seen those cherries before. Remember Spain?”

“Barely”

The main floor is packed with gyrating New-Yorkers and Paul Oakenfold

Is  spinning away. The sound system is blazing and we decide to get a better view. Upstairs on the Mezzanine we look down on the hot sweaty dancing and sip our beverages. There’s more! We go up more stairs and check out the Atrium where there is a “Green Room” a “Mirror Lounge”, a “Shower Lounge” and a large hole in the floor looking down on the main floor.

“What’s in the Shower Lounge?” we ask a woman walking out.

“There’s a hot chick showering in there” as she stumbles on.

We check it out. There’s definitely a hot girl wearing very little clothing under a constant stream of water in there, dancing! Yeah, the Shower Lounge. We decide to order drinks and enjoy the show. We hear people talking about a show in the basement and think about going but, there’s a chick showering in here. After more shower watching we decide to go check out the party on the next level. That’s where out VIP seating is. We dance with more famous people and they recognize us from LA. After a few more drinks we go back to check on Paul. He’s doing well, he has several hundred people dancing to some world-class beats and we jump in the crowd. We dance the night away and revel in the fact that we are in the greatest city in the world. We began in Ibiza with the cherries of Pacha and ended under the same cherries in NYC.

We may not have seen it all. We didn’t even touch down in eastern Europe where there are some truly amazing clubs to see, we didn’t get the full effect of any one of the amazing cities we touched down in but we went to the best known clubs in the world and had a mind bending experience at each one. We lost several pounds, dancing all night and spent an ungodly amount of money getting nothing at all but some phone-pics, some hang-overs, and some amazing memories. Even though we’ve done all this, we know that it’s not the same as going to a small room in our hometown and listening to the resident DJ spin some fire and getting tipsy with the homies.  We’ve been around the world and the clubs are all different but what makes each one special is the people there, having fun and drinking and dancing with you.